I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
