i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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