you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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