Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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