That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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