Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
