dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
