I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
