just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
