and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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