you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
