Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
