I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
