I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
