At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Boobs speak an international language.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
