The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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