I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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