sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize