i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
