now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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