Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
