probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
