i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
