I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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