what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
