My liver just broke up with me...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
