ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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