like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
