omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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