So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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