i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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