Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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