hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
