you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
