forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
