i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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