It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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