I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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