Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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