4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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