We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
