she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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