Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
