I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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