The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
