Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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