I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
