im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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