We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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