When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
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I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
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i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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