According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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