don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
