someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
