The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
