oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
