ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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