I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
