Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
