I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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