we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
