There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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