So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
