Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
