I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Randomize
