Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
