I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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