I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
