you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
