some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
