I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
