Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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